will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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