was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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