as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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