She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
