I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
