I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
