I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
