High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
