i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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