Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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