I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I could make wine with my vomit
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
