My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
