When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
