Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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