Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
