Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
