my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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