im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
