I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
