Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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