If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
