singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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