I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
