Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love having hate sex.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
