____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize