I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
