i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
