We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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