but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
