I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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