I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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