I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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