so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
