nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
