i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
