direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
