i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
