i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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