You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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