Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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