I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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