Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
