He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
