feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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