Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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