can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
