do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
