dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
