I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
