Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
